Hazelnut
03-15-2010, 12:07 PM
My daughter turned 27 this year. She was my first child, born five days after my twenty-first birthday. She was the first baby I ever held. I didn't know anything about babies. Circumstances being what they were, my mother was the first person to see my little girl in the delivery room, the first person to hold her and the first person to bathe her. Mom helped me by showing me what to do. If it hadn't been for her, I don't know how many mistakes I would have made out of sheer ignorance.
After four months, I was feeling like an old hand at mothering. mom was still as helpful as ever. Too much so because she wouldn't let me make any decisions regarding my baby. Mom would tell me what was best and I was supposed to listen and follow instructions. Did I mention that we lived with my mom and step-father? Well, we did. And the problems started when I decided that I wanted to take care of my daughter by myself.
I signed up for government assistance and found a place for us. Having mom dictate every move was getting annoying, enough to go on welfare. I moved us into our new place. Mimi and Pappy visited almost everyday, remaining a huge part of our lives. They were very attached to my daughter.
Mom was studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses and getting more serious about it. She struggled with quitting smoking for a couple of years as one of the requirements of baptism in her cult. One day, when my daughter was one year old, mom accidentally burned her with a cigarette. That was the last one she ever smoked. She wanted my "perfect" daughter to grow up with a good example to follow so she quit.
I married my daughter's step-father the next year. It was a struggle from the beginning. A struggle between my religiously fanatical mother and my new alcoholic husband. He never drank a drop before our wedding day. During the next three year turmoil I had another daughter who my mother barely said "boo" to. My first one was her favorite despite the fact she had four other grandchildren, and mom devoted herself to saving my little girl's everlasting life. Mom believed that God would destroy Satan's followers at Armageddon. She also believed that anyone who was not a Jehovah's Witness was a servant of Satan, including me.
Here is where the persecution starts.
I told my mother that I was not interested in devoting my life to her religion. I was not interested in her teaching my daughter her religion. I did not want her telling my daughter that I was a servant of Satan. It gets worse. Mom sent the Sisters of her congregation to speak to me, to convince me that I was being manipulated by satan and his demons and that my decisions would cost the lives of my children. That I needed to reconsider my views and do what was best for my kids, which was letting them continue to be exposed to Jehovah's Witnesses teachings for their protection. I refused.
When my daughter was five, I decided to join the Army so that I could take care of my children by myself, without a man. The man I had chosen to marry resumed drinking and became a violent alcoholic who put the entire house under stress and duress. I thought that I could do a better job of raising my kids if I had the military on my side. I was raised by an Air Force father and felt more comfortable in the service than as a civilian.
Mom agreed to take temporary guardianship of my two girls while I was in basic and advanced technical school. It should have been no more than six months. Although leaving my kids with my mother was the most gut-wrenching thing I've ever done, I did it knowing that the price for our future security would be worth the short separation.
Long story short. Mom would not relinquish my daughter to me after I completed my military training. I took care of all required court proceedings to restore full guardianship to me and rescind guardianship for her. But Mom would not let go.
She enlisted the help of her congregation to keep my daughter with her. My daughter was riddled with guilt and fear. She loved me and wanted to live with me but her grandma (Mimi) said that I was a devil worshiper and she was afraid of me. My being in the Army proved it and she could not be sure I even loved her because Mimi said I abandoned her. So, she didn't want to live with me.
I was dumbstruck and could not process the emotional turmoil. I didn't want to harm my daughter who by now, believed with her whole heart that leaving her Mimi would cause the demons to attack her. OMG! I didn't know what to do except beg my mother to stop telling her all those awful things. I told her that I wouldn't let her see my daughter again if she didn't promise to stop teaching her about Jehovah's Witnesses. Mom refused and told me that if I didn't let my daughter go, I was as good as murdering her everlasting soul.
I crumbled and allowed my little girl to stay with my mother for the next several years. I saw her less and less. She didn't want to see me. Eventually I found out that she was terrified of both me and my mother. She couldn't understand right from wrong, good from bad. Even worse, she could not make a decision for herself. She could only copy what other people did, let other people think for her and lead her life for her.
By the time she was twelve, I decided the only way to save her was to kidnap her from my mother. So, I did. I brought her across state lines and enrolled her in therapy and school. I did everything I could think of to convince her I love her and mean her no harm and to give her a life of stability and love. She celebrated her birthday for the first time since she was five, made friends and began to learn how to fit in without the JW noose around her neck.
Within six months, while I was at work, the sheriff came with a felony warrant for my arrest on the grounds of neglect and abandonment from a Kentucky juvenile court judge. The grounds stated were that the mother (me) was incarcerated on felony non-child support. I live in Ohio and the Ky. order was signed hours before I had been arrested! It would have taken my mother at least two hours to drive to my home after getting the Juvenile court order. So, if she had gotten the order first thing in the morning and drove straight to my house, she still would have gotten there before the warrant was served, at noon, on Friday.
By the time I got out of the county jail four days later (on my own recognizance) my husband had taken my daughter out of school and hidden her away, thwarting my mother's plan. But the plan was only the first step. I found out later that my daughter, with the aide and assistance of her guidance counselor had been in constant contact with my mother since I enrolled her in school, despite my explicit instructions to NOT allow anyone contact with her during school hours.
My daughter kissed me goodbye that morning before school and said see ya later. But I found out that she knew that would be the day her Mimi was coming to get her - in secret.
I did everything I could think of to stop my mother from influencing my daughter. But I lost. My daughter lost. There was nothing I could do to prevent her from trying to get my daughter back or from my daughter wanting to go back. Six months later, my daughter went on court-ordered visitation with her grandparents and father. On the day I was supposed to pick her up, I received notification from Children's Services that my daughter had been awarded temporary emergency custody to her father on the grounds of physical, mental and emotional abuse by me and her step-father. I was stunned and retained my attorney again.
My second eldest daughter went to visit her father on court ordered visitation schedule 6 weeks later. On the final day, I called to confirm our meeting arrangements so that I could pick her up. My ex-husband's wife answered the phone and told me that my daughter had accused my husband (her step-father) of sexual abuse and that Children's Services had opened a case and would be investigating the charges.
Chidren's Services in Kentucky contacted Children's Services in Ohio who also opened an investigation. During the investigations, my daughter would not be returned to my custody. And, my 8 month old baby was now considered "at risk" because of the nature of the charges filed. My husband had to move out of our house or the State would take our baby until the investigation was complete.
I knew the charges filed because of the statements of both of my daughters was false, but I couldn't prove it although I did everything I could think of to do just that. The system doesn't listen. Despite giving full cooperation and informing them that the custody battle for my daughter's had been a long and ugly fiasco that ended with the court giving me full custody of both of my daughter's. They (mom, ex-husbands and their wives) fought dirty, lied and misrepresented the situation to the court, refused mediation and were found unfit by the court psychologist, were reprimanded for their frivolous misuse of the court system. The courts found me to be the fit parent in both of their cases with the only concession granted to them was 2 weeks visitation once a year. I had to comply with that order despite the fact that I knew the manipulation my girls would have to endure. I took them to professional counselors to help us put things in perspective.
But that was not the end of the situation....despite the court awarding my daughters to my custody, "they" were not finished.
So, both of my daughter's were with their respective father's and step-mother's who were in collusion with my mother who had a clear agenda and hates me. I have no contact with them. They were with worthless people who didn't want them but who did want to hurt me as much as they possibly could and there was nothing I could do.
My husband is angry and is being labeled a child molester. His family is in a rage against me for bringing this on his head (by association). I am alone.
I knew that the only way for the situation to end was either a trial where my girls would be put on the witness stand and forced to lie in court or for me to relinquish my parental rights and responsibilities. It was the hardest decision I've ever made.
In the end I decided with the help and advice of my attorney to rescind my rights to my daughters in order to prevent them being put on the witness stand in court. I did not want them to grow up with that on their heads, knowing they were being manipulated to say the things they said.
I lost my daughters, my job, my home, my marriage and custody of my 2 youngest children and all of my possessions. My husband filed for divorce, closed the checking accounts, repossessed my truck and changed the locks on the doors. His adult children told me if I tried to get custody of my babies, they (his children) would testify against me in court saying I was crazy.
Christmas 2000, my oldest daughter contacted me. In 2001, my second daughter contacted me.
We were all able to talk about what happened and resolve the issues that concerned our relationships in the past and rebuild our love for each other in trust and honesty.
My daughters admitted that their statements were made at the direction of the step-mother's and grandmother. They each suffered overwhelming guilt.
Because the three of us suffered so much at the hands of others, lost years of our lives together and lived with such guilt and regret for so many years, we are making up for it now, forgiving each other and understanding what happened to us and helping each other to overcome the past.
The lies and manipulation ended when my second daughter's father gave her the letters I had written to her during those "lost" years that he kept from her, when she turned 17.
After four months, I was feeling like an old hand at mothering. mom was still as helpful as ever. Too much so because she wouldn't let me make any decisions regarding my baby. Mom would tell me what was best and I was supposed to listen and follow instructions. Did I mention that we lived with my mom and step-father? Well, we did. And the problems started when I decided that I wanted to take care of my daughter by myself.
I signed up for government assistance and found a place for us. Having mom dictate every move was getting annoying, enough to go on welfare. I moved us into our new place. Mimi and Pappy visited almost everyday, remaining a huge part of our lives. They were very attached to my daughter.
Mom was studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses and getting more serious about it. She struggled with quitting smoking for a couple of years as one of the requirements of baptism in her cult. One day, when my daughter was one year old, mom accidentally burned her with a cigarette. That was the last one she ever smoked. She wanted my "perfect" daughter to grow up with a good example to follow so she quit.
I married my daughter's step-father the next year. It was a struggle from the beginning. A struggle between my religiously fanatical mother and my new alcoholic husband. He never drank a drop before our wedding day. During the next three year turmoil I had another daughter who my mother barely said "boo" to. My first one was her favorite despite the fact she had four other grandchildren, and mom devoted herself to saving my little girl's everlasting life. Mom believed that God would destroy Satan's followers at Armageddon. She also believed that anyone who was not a Jehovah's Witness was a servant of Satan, including me.
Here is where the persecution starts.
I told my mother that I was not interested in devoting my life to her religion. I was not interested in her teaching my daughter her religion. I did not want her telling my daughter that I was a servant of Satan. It gets worse. Mom sent the Sisters of her congregation to speak to me, to convince me that I was being manipulated by satan and his demons and that my decisions would cost the lives of my children. That I needed to reconsider my views and do what was best for my kids, which was letting them continue to be exposed to Jehovah's Witnesses teachings for their protection. I refused.
When my daughter was five, I decided to join the Army so that I could take care of my children by myself, without a man. The man I had chosen to marry resumed drinking and became a violent alcoholic who put the entire house under stress and duress. I thought that I could do a better job of raising my kids if I had the military on my side. I was raised by an Air Force father and felt more comfortable in the service than as a civilian.
Mom agreed to take temporary guardianship of my two girls while I was in basic and advanced technical school. It should have been no more than six months. Although leaving my kids with my mother was the most gut-wrenching thing I've ever done, I did it knowing that the price for our future security would be worth the short separation.
Long story short. Mom would not relinquish my daughter to me after I completed my military training. I took care of all required court proceedings to restore full guardianship to me and rescind guardianship for her. But Mom would not let go.
She enlisted the help of her congregation to keep my daughter with her. My daughter was riddled with guilt and fear. She loved me and wanted to live with me but her grandma (Mimi) said that I was a devil worshiper and she was afraid of me. My being in the Army proved it and she could not be sure I even loved her because Mimi said I abandoned her. So, she didn't want to live with me.
I was dumbstruck and could not process the emotional turmoil. I didn't want to harm my daughter who by now, believed with her whole heart that leaving her Mimi would cause the demons to attack her. OMG! I didn't know what to do except beg my mother to stop telling her all those awful things. I told her that I wouldn't let her see my daughter again if she didn't promise to stop teaching her about Jehovah's Witnesses. Mom refused and told me that if I didn't let my daughter go, I was as good as murdering her everlasting soul.
I crumbled and allowed my little girl to stay with my mother for the next several years. I saw her less and less. She didn't want to see me. Eventually I found out that she was terrified of both me and my mother. She couldn't understand right from wrong, good from bad. Even worse, she could not make a decision for herself. She could only copy what other people did, let other people think for her and lead her life for her.
By the time she was twelve, I decided the only way to save her was to kidnap her from my mother. So, I did. I brought her across state lines and enrolled her in therapy and school. I did everything I could think of to convince her I love her and mean her no harm and to give her a life of stability and love. She celebrated her birthday for the first time since she was five, made friends and began to learn how to fit in without the JW noose around her neck.
Within six months, while I was at work, the sheriff came with a felony warrant for my arrest on the grounds of neglect and abandonment from a Kentucky juvenile court judge. The grounds stated were that the mother (me) was incarcerated on felony non-child support. I live in Ohio and the Ky. order was signed hours before I had been arrested! It would have taken my mother at least two hours to drive to my home after getting the Juvenile court order. So, if she had gotten the order first thing in the morning and drove straight to my house, she still would have gotten there before the warrant was served, at noon, on Friday.
By the time I got out of the county jail four days later (on my own recognizance) my husband had taken my daughter out of school and hidden her away, thwarting my mother's plan. But the plan was only the first step. I found out later that my daughter, with the aide and assistance of her guidance counselor had been in constant contact with my mother since I enrolled her in school, despite my explicit instructions to NOT allow anyone contact with her during school hours.
My daughter kissed me goodbye that morning before school and said see ya later. But I found out that she knew that would be the day her Mimi was coming to get her - in secret.
I did everything I could think of to stop my mother from influencing my daughter. But I lost. My daughter lost. There was nothing I could do to prevent her from trying to get my daughter back or from my daughter wanting to go back. Six months later, my daughter went on court-ordered visitation with her grandparents and father. On the day I was supposed to pick her up, I received notification from Children's Services that my daughter had been awarded temporary emergency custody to her father on the grounds of physical, mental and emotional abuse by me and her step-father. I was stunned and retained my attorney again.
My second eldest daughter went to visit her father on court ordered visitation schedule 6 weeks later. On the final day, I called to confirm our meeting arrangements so that I could pick her up. My ex-husband's wife answered the phone and told me that my daughter had accused my husband (her step-father) of sexual abuse and that Children's Services had opened a case and would be investigating the charges.
Chidren's Services in Kentucky contacted Children's Services in Ohio who also opened an investigation. During the investigations, my daughter would not be returned to my custody. And, my 8 month old baby was now considered "at risk" because of the nature of the charges filed. My husband had to move out of our house or the State would take our baby until the investigation was complete.
I knew the charges filed because of the statements of both of my daughters was false, but I couldn't prove it although I did everything I could think of to do just that. The system doesn't listen. Despite giving full cooperation and informing them that the custody battle for my daughter's had been a long and ugly fiasco that ended with the court giving me full custody of both of my daughter's. They (mom, ex-husbands and their wives) fought dirty, lied and misrepresented the situation to the court, refused mediation and were found unfit by the court psychologist, were reprimanded for their frivolous misuse of the court system. The courts found me to be the fit parent in both of their cases with the only concession granted to them was 2 weeks visitation once a year. I had to comply with that order despite the fact that I knew the manipulation my girls would have to endure. I took them to professional counselors to help us put things in perspective.
But that was not the end of the situation....despite the court awarding my daughters to my custody, "they" were not finished.
So, both of my daughter's were with their respective father's and step-mother's who were in collusion with my mother who had a clear agenda and hates me. I have no contact with them. They were with worthless people who didn't want them but who did want to hurt me as much as they possibly could and there was nothing I could do.
My husband is angry and is being labeled a child molester. His family is in a rage against me for bringing this on his head (by association). I am alone.
I knew that the only way for the situation to end was either a trial where my girls would be put on the witness stand and forced to lie in court or for me to relinquish my parental rights and responsibilities. It was the hardest decision I've ever made.
In the end I decided with the help and advice of my attorney to rescind my rights to my daughters in order to prevent them being put on the witness stand in court. I did not want them to grow up with that on their heads, knowing they were being manipulated to say the things they said.
I lost my daughters, my job, my home, my marriage and custody of my 2 youngest children and all of my possessions. My husband filed for divorce, closed the checking accounts, repossessed my truck and changed the locks on the doors. His adult children told me if I tried to get custody of my babies, they (his children) would testify against me in court saying I was crazy.
Christmas 2000, my oldest daughter contacted me. In 2001, my second daughter contacted me.
We were all able to talk about what happened and resolve the issues that concerned our relationships in the past and rebuild our love for each other in trust and honesty.
My daughters admitted that their statements were made at the direction of the step-mother's and grandmother. They each suffered overwhelming guilt.
Because the three of us suffered so much at the hands of others, lost years of our lives together and lived with such guilt and regret for so many years, we are making up for it now, forgiving each other and understanding what happened to us and helping each other to overcome the past.
The lies and manipulation ended when my second daughter's father gave her the letters I had written to her during those "lost" years that he kept from her, when she turned 17.