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View Full Version : Ascend to Heaven. (MIX)



mojo
01-29-2010, 07:42 PM
Ilabrat stopped on the crest of the small hill, a shale covered slope directly beneath him led down into a small wooded valley. He turned in the saddle and looked back the way he had come, just barely visible in the distance was the caravan that had left Babylon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babylon) two weeks ago. The caravan contained four wagons of goods and fourteen heavily laden mules and camels, fifteen of his finest hand picked troops as well as a dozen slaves, all bound for Shahr i Sokhta. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shahr-i_Sokhta) That is until two days ago when the sandstorm hit them in the middle of the night, they had wandered blind since then, looking for shelter, and now the storm had passed and they were hopelessly lost in the Zagros mountains. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zagros_Mountains)

Ilabrat removed the oryx horn tied to his saddle and blew into it releasing a haunting cry upon the air. He turned back to the wooded valley below, sunburnt creases furrowing his brow as he pondered the marvel that rose above the tree's, perhaps ten Esh (http://www.jameswbell.com/a003measure.html) from his vantage point.
It was similar in many ways to the Ziggurats that dotted the landscape and cities of his homeland, but it was also oddly disimilar in many ways too.
It was huge, many times larger than any Ziggurat he had seen before, it shimmered also in the noonday sun, some of the steps and angles seemed strangely lopsided, as if twisted by the air.
Ilabrat hissed a quick prayer to Inanna (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inanna) as the remainder of the caravan and his men pulled up behind him. They had lost half their animals and four of the slaves had perished during the height of the storm. His men appeared sombre and world weary, covered in sand and dust and in places their own blood.
Ilabrat quickly issued his orders, four men were to come with him to the Ziggurat whilst the others would make camp at the tree line with the shale covered slope and tend to the animals and slaves.

As the five men approached the Ziggurat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ziggurat) on foot whispered prayers were ushered under their breaths and scowling eye's darted around at each sound. Soon they found themselves at the base of the temple.
On closer inspection the edifice consisted of some type of stone that Ilabrat had never seen before, the massive blocks of stone infused with shimmering particles of silver and sparkling green flecks. Each block of stone that made up the Ziggurat were massive, half the height of a man and many times longer. The steps were much too large to make a climb comfortable for a man, instead they seemed as if they were built for a giant. The stories of the Annunaki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annunaki) and the Igigi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Igigi) flooded his mind, superstitious horror nearly causing him to turn and flee back to the caravan and away from this place.
But Ilabrat had risen high within the Kings personal guard due to his courage and tactical acumen, he would not run away. Already other thoughts pushed aside the fear, thoughts of riches and the good graces he might receive from Hammurabi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hammurabi) were he to return with treasures and a map to this wondrous place.
The other men cowered, two had fallen to their knee's and prayed feverishly, superstitious dolts he thought.

Ignoring them Ilabrat started to climb the Ziggurat, at the summit he could barely discern a square building into which an opening yawned like a black abyss and he made his way painstakingly towards it.
Eventually Ilabrat climbed the last step and stood upon the summit, it was perfectly flat and about four Gi (http://www.jameswbell.com/a003measure.html) to each side. The stone at the summit was of a different composition to the rest, bluish in colour and dull. The building situated at the centre was a block of stone twice the height of a man and a Ninda (http://www.jameswbell.com/a003measure.html) wide, the opening within the westerly face of the stone was a black eye, no light entered it but instead was bent away. Occasionally he could see a flicker within the blackness, not exactly light, but a flicker of darkness somewhat denser than the rest.
Ilabrat looked out across the canopy of tree's, the valley rose all around, mountanous ranges in the distance seemed hazy and incomplete.
He walked forward and entered the darkness.

Ilabrat opened his eyes, he must have been asleep for hours for the sun had long since set and he was lying prone on the floor of the building. He could not remember what had happened, his last memory was of entering the darkness and feeling it flow into his nostrils. And then waking.
He stood slowly, he seemed unharmed, his equipment untouched. He walked to the edge of the Ziggurat and looked once more out and across the valley. Where before there were only tree's and mountainous ranges surrounding the valley now stood a city of shimmering lights, streets and plaza's and buildings in perfect symmetry flowed away from him in all directions. Carts and horses and processions of people swarmed everywhere.
He looked to the night sky in wonder and saw no constellations he recognised, a second moon rose just behind the first, somewhat smaller and irregularly shaped.
He looked down again and noticed for the first time that the steps of the Ziggurat seemed to now be the perfect size for a man, they were no longer made for a giant but rather made specifically for him.
And far below at the base of the temple people were falling to their knee's in supplication and reverance, a low keening sound slowly growing to a crescendo.

He looked at his hands, were these the hands of a man, or the hands of a God.

anarch
01-29-2010, 08:46 PM
http://i362.photobucket.com/albums/oo68/Arkangelll/Funny/bump.jpg

anarch
01-30-2010, 07:09 PM
I particularly liked the use of hyper links. I wanted to use pics in my story. I even download a few but after seeing how it looked in relation to the story I opted against it. But the hyper link thing looks awesome. I think I shall try that in y next story.

4. An internet cafe that isn't quite what it seems.

Yes... Now to think and write.

mojo
01-30-2010, 07:21 PM
thanks anarch.
honestly i'm not all that happy with the story, i haven't written anything for a while and i think im a bit rusty.
the story probably needed to be closer to 5000 words rather than 1000. i think it is too bare and more detail to explain what was in my mind would have worked better.

but at least its cleared the cobwebs and i can get on with the next one. :D

Cogburn
01-30-2010, 07:39 PM
I'm in a bit of agreement.

I was thinking of contributing, but nothing I have is under 2,000 words.

mojo
01-30-2010, 07:45 PM
I'm in a bit of agreement.

I was thinking of contributing, but nothing I have is under 2,000 words.

i got to about 750 words and i looked at what i had written and thought theres no fucking way i can keep this under 1000. lol.
so it is compromised somewhat.

maybe i'll flesh it out at a later date. i think the idea was good but the expression of it wasn't.

cest la vie.

ApolloRising
02-06-2010, 09:17 PM
I like it, interesting theme, I didn't find it predictable which is always a blessing in stories, especially ones like this which don't use shock tactics to ensure surprise. I also liked that it ended on something of a cliffhanger, leaving the reader some area of interpret the events.