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View Full Version : Jelq for Victory. (Spolier: Adult Content)



Raptor Jesus
01-04-2010, 03:28 AM
The following thread is about how to make yr cock bigger using special exercises that Arabs and Ugandan tribes invented. Srsly. I tried it, it worked. This is not a joke. Results within a few days. Scroll down for more info.

THREAD SOUNDTRACK:


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http://www.academyleader.com/erikvidal/photos/BarryLyndon3.jpg



Jelq for Victory!


Jelqing comes from the Arab word for milking. It's the same motion that you use when milking a cow. There are tons of websites telling you how to do it, even whole forums dedicated to the gentle art.


From www.howtojelq.com (http://www.howtojelq.com)




About The Jelq

According to some websites, the jelqing technique originated in the Middle East and was allegedly used by Arabic men to enlarge their penises to over 20 inches in length! It's unlikely that these stories are true and in fact some people say that jelqing is a hoax. Whatever the truth of the matter, jelqing seems to have become the most common term used to describe a range of penis stretching, milking and massaging techniques that over time will enlarge the penis.

The jelq exercise will enlarge both girth and the length of the penis. The purpose of the jelq exercise is to force more blood into the corpora cavernosa (the spongy tissue that makes up the penis). This is achieved by using a "milking" technique on the penis. This milking will expand and stretch the cell walls of the corpora cavernosa to allow larger quantities of blood to enter the penis. Jelqing will increase the size of both the flaccid and erect penis, but most markedly in the erect penis. Jelqing exercises are like regular exercises and need to be carried out on a daily basis. Results from using the jelq can be seen in increases in penis size after only a month and more pronounced results can be seen in penis length and penis girth after several months.




BEFORE: http://operachic.typepad.com/opera_chic/images/2008/03/06/barry_lyndon.jpg












The Jelqing Warm UpJelqing is just like any other exercise - you need to warm-up before starting! Massage you penis until you are semi-tumescent (partial erection).
In warm water, soak a washcloth.
Wrap the washcloth around your penis for three minutes.
Repeat above warm-wrap another three times.
An alternative to the above jelqing warm-up is to simply massage and stroke your semi-erect penis in a warm bath.










Put some lubricant (eg. baby oil) on both your hands and penis. Your penis should be semi-erect.
With the thumb and forefinger of one hand, make an "Okay" sign around the base of your penis and grip it firmly.
Now start a milking motion towards the end of your penis.
When your milking hand reaches the head of your penis, form an "Okay" sign with your free hand and start milking as you did previously with the other hand. Do not milk the head of the penis.
You should be able to use both hands to create a continuous milking action, alternating between hands.
Ideally, you should be able to complete 100 jelq strokes every five minutes. For the first week, only perform 100 jelq strokes each day. For the second week, perform 200 jelq strokes each day. For the third week, perform 300 jelq strokes each day. From the fourth week onwards, try and perform 500 jelq strokes each day.


AFTER:
http://pages.prodigy.net/rique/cs-bl.jpg

Jelq Safely:


Important Points For Safe Jelqing




Always do the warm-up exercises before commencing jelqing.
Always use sufficient lubricant during jelqing.
Don't squeeze too hard when using the jelq grip. If it hurts or you see bruising on your penis after jelqing then your jelq grip is too hard.
Never jelq when you have a full erection (and don't ejaculate when jelqing). Jelq only when you have a semi-tumescent (rather than fully-erect) penis otherwise you may damage your penis.
Always perform a "warm-down" (same as a warm-up) routine at the completion of your jelqing exercises.

Further Jelqing, there's a whole forum dedicated to it:

www.thundersplace.org (http://www.thundersplace.org)

Good Luck...
Happy Jelqing:

http://catalisecritica.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/barry11.jpg

Infinite`Eternal`Forever
01-04-2010, 03:31 AM
Just one question. Who's the chick in the picture with the candles?

Snow Crash
01-04-2010, 03:31 AM
ROFL. That was a fucking funny read. Cheers tri.

Raptor Jesus
01-04-2010, 03:33 AM
It's true though Snow Crash... I grew about half an inch overnight no joke.... You can grow an inch in a couple of weeks easy...

IEF, the pictures are from the Stanley Kubrick Film, Barry Lyndon

Infinite`Eternal`Forever
01-04-2010, 08:13 PM
If I were to ever jelq my dick would be like...abnormal.

MrPenny
01-04-2010, 09:05 PM
I can barely reach the end of my cawk now.......sometimes, when I get a hardon, it slaps around on the keyboard and hi jw458yhwbtyq5yshazhyico
bvio

pbBppbp


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Dammit.......

Infinite`Eternal`Forever
01-04-2010, 09:06 PM
Haha.

Raptor Jesus
04-05-2010, 04:32 PM
Did a bit of this today...

egg
04-05-2010, 04:44 PM
OH. I thought that was just how everyone masturbates. I also soak my cock in a warm wet towel three times before masturbating.

Raptor Jesus
04-05-2010, 04:49 PM
This stuff is real///

egg
04-05-2010, 04:58 PM
I believe you man. Just having a laugh. Does it hurt? Seems like stretching out your cock past it's normal limits might be a wee bit painful.

Pam
04-05-2010, 05:02 PM
LOL, with the exception of supposedly IEF, I am going to assume every man reading this today, under the age of approximately 35, will be Jelqing this evening :jerkoff:

Raptor Jesus
04-05-2010, 05:09 PM
Egg, no you should do it gently, when yr dick is half hard. If it starts to hurt, stop. It's a kind of muscle and can be improved like any other. (I know it's techniocally cartilage but it seems to work)

Pam, actually all guys pretend they're not interested then go and do it... I don't care I'll happily talk about this stuff cos I know everyone's secretly into it lol haha.

Why stop when yr 35??? I will be doing this till I'm 100

Royal
04-05-2010, 05:13 PM
I can attest to jelqing. Not only does it make things longer, it keeps you from masturbating too.

You must be thinking how can that be? Especially when you are stroking it? But the exorcise actually makes it a little sore, so there is no need for spanking.


The 1st week I tried it I met a woman that ended up having fuck fests every weekend. So the Before and after pictures are kind of true.

egg
04-05-2010, 05:24 PM
LOL, with the exception of supposedly IEF, I am going to assume every man reading this today, under the age of approximately 35, will be Jelqing this evening :jerkoff:

I usually jelq at night. There was a time I would jelq several times a day. :D

egg
04-05-2010, 05:25 PM
Egg, no you should do it gently, when yr dick is half hard. If it starts to hurt, stop. It's a kind of muscle and can be improved like any other. (I know it's techniocally cartilage but it seems to work)

Pam, actually all guys pretend they're not interested then go and do it... I don't care I'll happily talk about this stuff cos I know everyone's secretly into it lol haha.

Why stop when yr 35??? I will be doing this till I'm 100

No, you're right. Your cock is smooth muscle.

Kogburn
04-05-2010, 05:40 PM
The process works so well my dick is now too large to Jelq in the shower.

Raptor Jesus
04-05-2010, 05:47 PM
Just sling it over your shoulder

Kogburn
04-05-2010, 05:49 PM
Not to mention, since that mishap in Nam, its really hard to make the "okay" sign with my left hand.

Raptor Jesus
04-05-2010, 06:05 PM
Jelq to this brothers:

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTM4MDY1NjA=.html

Lexion
04-05-2010, 06:06 PM
Wow.

Blocked in the US.

Raptor Jesus
04-05-2010, 06:08 PM
Really? I wonder if it's being blocked from China or the US. Can you access youku at all?

*

It was this song anyway, a must for any serious jelqee:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fFo-WZsm5Q

Lexion
04-05-2010, 06:14 PM
I can see this :

http://v.youku.com/v_playlist/f4333921o1p0.html

No idea what it's about.

Raptor Jesus
04-05-2010, 06:15 PM
Me neither

Kogburn
04-05-2010, 06:16 PM
The recovered bodies of the trapped miners.

Raptor Jesus
04-05-2010, 06:18 PM
Srsly?

averagejoe
04-05-2010, 09:02 PM
It's true though Snow Crash... I grew about half an inch overnight no joke.... You can grow an inch in a couple of weeks easy...

IEF, the pictures are from the Stanley Kubrick Film, Barry Lyndon

Oh my god, but isn't that like admitting that you touched yourself down there? You'll be having a wank next, then follows blindness. All for an extra half inch?

I wouldn't dare, my hand might fall off.

Kogburn
04-05-2010, 10:41 PM
Oh my god, but isn't that like admitting that you touched yourself down there? You'll be having a wank next, then follows blindness. All for an extra half inch?

I wouldn't dare, my hand might fall off.
Deaf, dumb and blind with a big cock, where have I seen that before?

IEFIEFIEF

Snow Crash
04-05-2010, 11:11 PM
Deaf, dumb and blind with a big cock, where have I seen that before?

IEFIEFIEF

Well I was gonna say Cockburn, but then I remembered: he doesn't have a big dick, hence the need to tell you how l33t he is.

skunk
04-06-2010, 01:10 AM
Triangle, make sure to do your kegels (http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_60/67_love_tip.html) as well!

Raptor Jesus
04-06-2010, 12:36 PM
Actually I heard that Kegels could be dangerous Skunk...

Infinite`Eternal`Forever
04-06-2010, 10:10 PM
Do you do these everyday?

skunk
04-06-2010, 10:58 PM
Actually I heard that Kegels could be dangerous Skunk...

From whom?

Raptor Jesus
04-07-2010, 01:05 PM
Just read it on the net somewhere Skunk, I have no idea how true it is but a lot of sites had warnings on them... who knows?



Do you do these everyday?


Nah just when I remember...

skunk
04-07-2010, 10:31 PM
I'm not buying it. Kegels are a PC muscle strengthening exercise.

Raptor Jesus
04-08-2010, 06:51 AM
Fair enough. I'm not sure either way. I think the advice was just not to overdo it.

skunk
04-08-2010, 01:14 PM
Well that's good advice, you are supposed to start out slow and work your way up. Like any other muscle, if you overwork it, you'll end up hurting yourself.

Raptor Jesus
04-13-2011, 05:51 PM
Well that's good advice, you are supposed to start out slow and work your way up. Like any other muscle, if you overwork it, you'll end up hurting yourself.

Never a truer word spoken.

*

The Pack/BE hacking affair has underscored the importance of a rigorous jelqing regime. If there's one lesson we can all take away
from this it's: Jelq.

Jelqing nourishes the soul and keeps American hands strong and manly, yet supple.

Has everyone been keeping to their Jelq-plan?

13erk0witz
04-13-2011, 05:59 PM
Seems like a shit ton of work.... wouldn't it be easier to just date a midget.

Ozfactor
04-13-2011, 06:04 PM
You're all going to go blind.

Raptor Jesus
04-13-2011, 06:09 PM
Who said that?

Snow Crash
04-13-2011, 06:18 PM
Haha... now this thread is truly an Amkon Classic

Ozfactor
04-13-2011, 06:53 PM
.

Raptor Jesus
04-13-2011, 07:01 PM
.

QFT

LaResistencia
04-13-2011, 07:33 PM
This thread is
3565

The kegles being dangerous thing is a myth though.

Snow Crash
04-13-2011, 07:39 PM
+1 for choosing Picard

LaResistencia
04-13-2011, 07:40 PM
zomOYQHzg40

Raptor Jesus
04-13-2011, 07:50 PM
The kegles being dangerous thing is a myth though.

You might be right....

Set
04-13-2011, 09:21 PM
You're all going to go blind.

What if you are having a staid, scientific Jelq session and all of a sudden your mutton gun gets rigor mortis goes off on full rock 'n roll? Is that considered a dishonourable discharge according to Jelqing purists?

Set
04-13-2011, 09:46 PM
The Jelqing Warm UpJelqing is just like any other exercise - you need to warm-up before starting! Massage you penis until you are semi-tumescent (partial erection).

Well I'll be fucked! It seems I've been Jelqing for about 15 years! With absolutely negative results I might add.

However most men in this thread might consider me a reverse Jelqer. Ya see I have religiously rubbed my boiled noodle like womb broom hoping it would ejaculate!

LaResistencia
04-13-2011, 11:06 PM
What if you are having a staid, scientific Jelq session and all of a sudden your mutton gun gets rigor mortis goes off on full rock 'n roll? Is that considered a dishonourable discharge according to Jelqing purists?

I was kinda wondering the same thing. How is it kept at half mast? Do you think about baseball or taking out the garbage? How does that work?

Set
04-14-2011, 02:16 AM
I was kinda wondering the same thing. How is it kept at half mast? Do you think about baseball or taking out the garbage? How does that work?
Just imagine wishing away an erect clit when you "Tip Toe Through The Two Lips" and you'll have a fair idea what hope a man has of not getting a raging mongrel!! :clit:

LaResistencia
04-14-2011, 02:19 AM
It doesn't work like that for women though. It takes longer to cool off. Except when you're interrupted by a crying baby, then it's pretty quick.

Set
04-14-2011, 02:44 AM
It doesn't work like that for women though. It takes longer to cool off. Except when you're interrupted by a crying baby, then it's pretty quick.
A 'raging mongrel' is an erection Down Under.

LaResistencia
04-14-2011, 02:53 AM
Down under you know where, or down under in Australia?
:lol:

Infinite`Eternal`Forever
04-14-2011, 07:48 AM
This thread is
3565


So is having a big dick. :cool: