View Full Version : Ex-wife
I hate her
There, I said it
Eyeforalie
07-16-2009, 11:40 PM
good for you! now channel that energy into something positive.
Seems like alot of us hate our ex's. Well...at least I do. Any kids?
2 boys ages 5 and 10
I hate what "this" is doing to them.
As far as channeling into something positive...it's difficult, but I'm trying hard as hell.
Suggestions welcomed
Eyeforalie
07-17-2009, 12:24 AM
Stay on Amkon all night. Thats what I did.
Im in the same boat man. Luckily though, "this" is all my little guy knows. We've been fighting tooth and nail since he was 5 mo old.
Im sorry to hear about this, man.
Feel free to PM me if you dont feel like putting it out in the open if you need any advise on custody battle shit.
I had just about the most fucked up custody situation there could be and I learned alot about the "family" court system.
Its actually what got me back into CT.
Yes...I am in court having to do with visitation/custody.
Thank-you for the offer of the benefit of your experience.
I might take you up on that...in PM
This isn't what I wanted....part of the problem is that my ex still thinks she is in control of me.
She's not
WarlordZeroOne
07-17-2009, 04:20 AM
Murnut,Sad story mate,had the "T shirt" and worn it out,in the long term,no winners No losers, Only the children suffer,i also know the Law in the States is much tougher on people,than in the UK, all the same, Good Luck anyway for the Future with your Kids.
Ima Nasshole
07-17-2009, 06:55 AM
My son told me on Tuesday that his mothers wife (or whatever you want to call her) has taken him for long rides on the back of her sport bike. A fucking 7 year old boy on the back of a motorcycle... WTF? When we were married I was never allowed to ride one, let alone own one, let alone take my son for a ride on the back of one. My ex now has no problem allowing our only son to ride bitch with her bitch. Am I nuts or is 7 years old too fucking young to be riding on a motorcycle?
boycotteverything
07-17-2009, 08:09 AM
check out who it was you originally loved and married and ask her to do the same. keep your doors open and never cave to hate. you're each right- and you're each wrong by turns. the only casualty ought to be vendetta.
check out who it was you originally loved and married and ask her to do the same. keep your doors open and never cave to hate. you're each right- and you're each wrong by turns. the only casualty ought to be vendetta.
Good advice....I will give that a shot during the upcoming court imposed custody/visitation conference
boycotteverything
07-17-2009, 09:00 AM
It's hard to overcome our cheap selves. But it's the only thing that ever works.
pack3tg0st
07-17-2009, 10:10 AM
Mur: When ever I got super pissed at someone, I'd crank this song super loud:
x]p2ejJB7Adc4x]
If you're not at the point where that song helps... Listen to this one...
x]Y8JYAo1giBUx]
Cogburn
07-17-2009, 09:23 PM
Hey murnut...
Pics?
:flash:
GhostOfCaptSpaulding
07-17-2009, 11:38 PM
http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee162/21b45o13x25c54o34d45e/icons/flasher-1.gif
Got it!
Oblivion
07-20-2009, 05:52 AM
My son told me on Tuesday that his mothers wife (or whatever you want to call her) has taken him for long rides on the back of her sport bike. A fucking 7 year old boy on the back of a motorcycle... WTF? When we were married I was never allowed to ride one, let alone own one, let alone take my son for a ride on the back of one. My ex now has no problem allowing our only son to ride bitch with her bitch. Am I nuts or is 7 years old too fucking young to be riding on a motorcycle?
it depends on the maturity of the rider and the safety gear provided.
when i was 5 or so i'd ride with my dad on his bike, but i always had to sit in front of him so that i couldnt accidentally slip and fall off the back, being a little tacker n all.
i loved it so much that even though we lived 1 block from school, i'd walk home ,grab my helmet, then go stand back on the street corner a block away, waiting for my dad to ride by in about an hour on his way home from work just for the joy of a 1 block bike ride. (which usually turned into a 15min ride around the neighbourhood)
sometimes mum would walk around the corner, dads working back dont wait here for him..... awwww !!! :cry:
mind you, we all had grown up with dirt bikes, ya know those old school mini bikes from the 70's with the big fat wheels and little mower engine, 2 of us boys ended up riding motorbikes on the road as a main form of transport (when we become adults of course)
but again as i say it depends on the rider, the safety gear, how coordinated your lad is, etc.
a ride around the block? perfectly harmless
a blast around the block, raking it over in the turns etc? do that shit on your own so you dont fuck other people up when you come a' cropper
Hey murnut...
Pics?
:flash:
I am soooo tempted...but now is not the time
guinnessford
07-20-2009, 01:06 PM
I have random holes dug all over eastern Pennsylvania.
Eyeforalie
07-20-2009, 02:14 PM
If you really hate her and want your kids, next time you are in contact with her and no witnesses, call the cops on her for hitting you and get a restraining order against her. Its unfortunatly the only thing that will work. And represent yourself in court.
guinnessford
07-20-2009, 03:04 PM
Or take her out to the bar with us, and then call the cops on her for driving drunk.
skunk
07-20-2009, 06:36 PM
I have random holes dug all over eastern Pennsylvania.
This might work too.
Imo hate only breeds hate and can contribute to a unstable enviroment for the kids to live in. . . .but it bloody hard to be nice, as there so much anger and frustration from the fall out . . . It took me and my ex about a year before we got on again . . .in that first year we were nasty to each other and alot of shit went down, we were drinkers as well which didn't help . . . one of my sons was having a lot of trouble so I put him in drug and alcohol councelling, and they suggested that I do this group program . . . which I wasn't really into at all . . . but anyway did this 12 week thing and it taught me to talk to the kids dad again, it show that when I was speaking to him that the way I was saying thing was laying blame at him and that why we blow up . . . It just showed me a different way of saying thing and made me take responsabity for my share of things. . . .instead of just blaming him. We get on really well now I go over with the kids ever 2 yrs and stay with him, him and kiwi get on . . . he knows he more than welcome to come and stay here . . . at the end of the day you got to look at the fact that you managed to live together for so many years and get on, you must of liked this person at some stage of your life, and you don't want you kids growing up with the though thats how people treat each other . . . .
My ex has 3 girl to another wife my boys half sisters, they do not talk everthing is the biggest shit fight, the girls are young adults now but the crap they had to but up with because of their behaviour was sad . . . as they always planned things in 2 one at mum one at dads, then 21st hit . . . . . My kids won't have those drama's of worrying about mum and dad being in the same room, as it won't be a problem . . . make sure you sort it right for their future . . . as kids always want both parents . . .
Imo hate only breeds hate and can contribute to a unstable enviroment for the kids to live in. . . .but it bloody hard to be nice, as there so much anger and frustration from the fall out . . . It took me and my ex about a year before we got on again . . .in that first year we were nasty to each other and alot of shit went down, we were drinkers as well which didn't help . . . one of my sons was having a lot of trouble so I put him in drug and alcohol councelling, and they suggested that I do this group program . . . which I wasn't really into at all . . . but anyway did this 12 week thing and it taught me to talk to the kids dad again, it show that when I was speaking to him that the way I was saying thing was laying blame at him and that why we blow up . . . It just showed me a different way of saying thing and made me take responsabity for my share of things. . . .instead of just blaming him. We get on really well now I go over with the kids ever 2 yrs and stay with him, him and kiwi get on . . . he knows he more than welcome to come and stay here . . . at the end of the day you got to look at the fact that you managed to live together for so many years and get on, you must of liked this person at some stage of your life, and you don't want you kids growing up with the though thats how people treat each other . . . .
My ex has 3 girl to another wife my boys half sisters, they do not talk everthing is the biggest shit fight, the girls are young adults now but the crap they had to but up with because of their behaviour was sad . . . as they always planned things in 2 one at mum one at dads, then 21st hit . . . . . My kids won't have those drama's of worrying about mum and dad being in the same room, as it won't be a problem . . . make sure you sort it right for their future . . . as kids always want both parents . . .
Good advice...much appreciated.
Hate is a strong word that I probably meant when I wrote it....I am more frustrated than anything else.
We have our first joint custody session with the court appointed psychologist tomorrow night...I have many issues with my ex regarding the boys...I expect it to be fairly ugly.
I am most concerned with myself maintaining my cool....trust me when i say this is going to be difficult...my ex has pulled many "stunts"
Some how I just have to get through this and remain even minded.
I have been venting with friends and family as a way to try to get it out ahead of time.
Thank you all so much for the advice and understanding
Cogburn
07-20-2009, 09:44 PM
The most fun I ever had was in those sessions. Here's the advice my attorney gave me. It never failed.
If you cannot sum up how you want this to be resolved in one sentence then you are thinking too much. Have your goals in mind at all times.
Be professional. Shake everyone's hand and greet everyone individually before the session begins and when it ends.
Sit back in your chair and stay relaxed. Keeping your hands in your lap helps.
Remember all your wife's hot buttons. Don't be gratuitous, but do not hesitate to push them. Keep her on the defensive as much as possible while you continuously, clearly, and calmly state your goal and why its better than anything she has to offer.
Do not allow yourself to be baited by the same tactics. Acknowledge the comment, but do not address it in detail. "If you could explain how that's relevant I'd be happy to address it," then summarily dismissing the response by claiming it is "irrelevant" and moving on with a description of your goals defuses most verbal assaults on your character without seeming confrontational or aloof.
Good luck. Fuck her up.
The most fun I ever had was in those sessions. Here's the advice my attorney gave me. It never failed.
If you cannot sum up how you want this to be resolved in one sentence then you are thinking too much. Have your goals in mind at all times.
Be professional. Shake everyone's hand and greet everyone individually before the session begins and when it ends.
Sit back in your chair and stay relaxed. Keeping your hands in your lap helps.
Remember all your wife's hot buttons. Don't be gratuitous, but do not hesitate to push them. Keep her on the defensive as much as possible while you continuously, clearly, and calmly state your goal and why its better than anything she has to offer.
Do not allow yourself to be baited by the same tactics. Acknowledge the comment, but do not address it in detail. "If you could explain how that's relevant I'd be happy to address it," then summarily dismissing the response by claiming it is "irrelevant" and moving on with a description of your goals defuses most verbal assaults on your character without seeming confrontational or aloof.
Good luck. Fuck her up.
Excellent advice
I want primary custody and I can offer a more stable environment....and I can back it up.
I expect her to squirm quite a bit.
I don't plan on looking at her much, instead addressing the Shrink mostly
I am adding some of you key points to my notes
Thank-you
Eyeforalie
07-21-2009, 06:14 PM
Stay cool man!
The phsyc will get on your ass way harder then hers, especially if she says your angry in the least bit.
Good luck!
Ima Nasshole
07-21-2009, 06:44 PM
If she is as selfish as she sounds, she will come across that way at the hearing, if your approach is to act on behalf of what's best for your kids, you won't. I can tell you from experience (joint physical/joint legal) anticipating what she wants and being prepared for it will put you at ease. You will be judged for your non-verbal body language so if you have one, take a valium about 2 hours before you go.
These people like to stir the shit up to see how you react, be rock steady. As much as you think you may have the better environment to raise your children...
...you will still have to explain your relationship with guinessford, if I were you I'd leave that homo at home.
Ima Nasshole
07-21-2009, 06:48 PM
I don't plan on looking at her much, instead addressing the Shrink mostly
Bad plan, be the bigger person here. Not acknowleging her, not making eye contact is the exact opposite of what you should do if you are trying to communicate to the court you are the one to be trusted with the children. Trust me, the family court judge will read the notes, listen to the tapes or watch the video... if you want your kids, be the bigger person here.
It went really well.
Really, really, well.....my ex must be really pissed at the moment.
Next....this person meets with my kids, and then me and the ex have two more sessions before the good Dr. makes her recommendation to the judge.
Joint custody is assured (The Dr. said so) which is a major victory for me (she wanted sole custody).
Most likely I will not get primary custody, but I still have more ammo yet unspent.
I am happy and yet so totally exhausted at the moment.
Again thanks to all who chimed in here
skunk
07-21-2009, 10:18 PM
Congrats murnut. Hope everything works out best for the kids.
Cogburn
07-21-2009, 10:19 PM
Congratulations!
If you can walk out smiling (without malice :) ), you definitely came across the better person.
Not having the kids prior to the interview plays well for you. If your ex- is one to "let it all hang out", it will be reflected in the interview with your children. From what you've been saying about her this probably bodes well for you.
This shit is rough and you sound like you've got it well under control.
Well played.
guinnessford
07-22-2009, 09:21 AM
Cool, Ill start covering a few of em up....
And get rid of the half empty bottle I had to toss in her car too
boycotteverything
07-22-2009, 10:21 AM
SOME say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Frost
Okay...I need some more advice...The custody mediator Dr asked both me and my Ex to submit 3 proposals each as far as the visitation schedule goes.
I desire at least half the time with my kids, and I want to be fair as well.
I have been looking online for some examples schedules...but can't seem to find what i am looking for.
At first I thought alternating weeks...one week with me, next week her...off week parent gets Wednesday night sleep over...but i thought that might be too hard on the boys...no sense making them ping pong balls.
Then i thought 2 weeks with me and then 2 weeks her, with Wednesdays and that weekend for the off parent...but that still seems a little rough on the boys.
Any suggestions or a link on a easy to read website site with examples?
skunk
07-22-2009, 11:23 PM
Full custody for you?
boycotteverything
07-22-2009, 11:24 PM
weekends
Full custody for you?
No.....50/50 it is looking like
weekends
I would do this except, Ex claims it is not fair to her...she wants weekend time as well
boycotteverything
07-22-2009, 11:44 PM
OK, Mur. Fuck it. I take back all the reasonable things I've said. You gotta rub the bitch out. Sorry.
OK, Mur. Fuck it. I take back all the reasonable things I've said. You gotta rub the bitch out. Sorry.
Well, I'm not doing that.
I can tell you that everything I have proposed has been rejected already, she is not reasonable...unless I accept her plan which is basically a loose arrangement in which she gets to decide everything and just pay for it.
That's why we are in CCES (http://ccesbuckscty.org/index.html)
The Good news is that I'm the reasonable one
I found this website just after I made my first post here tonight, that may make things easier, if my Ex agrees to participate.
http://www.jointparents.com/index.cfm
It might make things so much easier.
What do y'all think?
skunk
07-23-2009, 12:27 AM
Well there's a 30 day free trial (http://www.jointparents.com/registerstep1.cfm). Why not give it a shot? Do it for the kids.
boycotteverything
07-23-2009, 12:30 AM
looks interesting. the key thing is- if you're both on the same page- is what's most secure for the kids. they're going through serious trauma already.
Cogburn
07-23-2009, 02:29 AM
My tone isn't in anger or angst, merely a device to convey how I believe you should act because it worked for me in this phase.
Piss on "fair" and piss on "for the kids".
There is no fair. There is what you want and how determined you are to get/maintain it.
I bet that if you ask your kids, they don't want their parents to get divorced. The time for consideration of the feelings of the children has long since passed.
50/50 doesn't work. Kids need to go to school and have a set pattern. Subjecting your kids to funky schedules to placate your guilt over the destruction of your family is simply heartless.
If she's a psycho that's going to damage your kids, cut out the cancer. You take out a 2nd mortgage, get a pitbull of a lawyer and a P.I. and you fillet her.
If you just hate the bitch, pragmatism. She gets holidays, every other weekend, and summers. Birthdays are not holidays. She can beg for them.
Still calm, cool and collected, but hard as fucking nails.
Ima Nasshole
07-25-2009, 04:09 PM
My schedule is as follows (and works well for me cuz I miss that little bastard a lot sometimes). Note that I live within a half mile of my ex, and across the street from his school. If there is a great distance between you two this may not work at all.
I get him Tuesday morning through Friday morning and every other Monday night through Friday morning. I like this schedule because the school holidays are either on Mondays or Fridays, and the ex is responsible for making sure he's covered. Also, I don't go more than 4 days without seeing him, which is helpful in deprogramming him from the lesbian carnage that is his mothers house.
Cogburn
07-25-2009, 04:16 PM
ROFL... I guess there's that, too.
My womb couldn't afford to live where I lived and I refused to live in such filth so there was little room for compromise in that respect.
How you skin the cat is best determined by how you caught it, it would seem.