Eyeforalie
06-22-2009, 12:45 AM
My teeth are breaking out of my fucking jaw. I can feel the pressure building like a bot-fly as it grows larger, slowly breaking out of its home until it finally pops out, leaving only a bloody hole. I hope I can have bloody holes where these teeth are. Id reather have that then constintly feel my back molars grind and squeek againt my new arivials. I should just get a pliars and rip them the fuck out. I wounder if I could do it without any painkillers? I doubt it. Im tough but not like that. Id at least have to get some liquor. I guess im going to have to wait until next payday. Or bust a caper.I cant even get out of pain my way. What a pain. Do i like it ? Id hate to think so. I am very comfortable with my pain though. I do feel snuggly knowing that I again wont be able to do a damn thing about a damn thing. But so is life, right? Arg. Thats sick. Contempt with complacientcy. "Well I cant do anything about it." OF COURSE you fucking cant! Its supposed to be that way! People with billions of dollers dont need to take and become dependent on anti-fuckingeverything pills and multi-negatealltheGMfoodsyouneedtoeat vitamins to get through the day. They never need to save up for a fifth to dull the pain of having to tear out the teeth that are supposed to make them proud. Wisdom teeth. Its funny to me. I am becoming wiser. You
could say getting older is a pain in the mouth for me. And in the head. I fucking hate what is going on around me. These fucking teeth remind me on a daily basis that I am fucked. I fucking hate that I cannot ignore it. I hate that I NEED to learn about it. I dont really know what to do becides sit here and dull myself out, cramming my head full of feble attempts to answer the holy question of 'Why?" Its not what is wrong with me. I am fine. I see things that others refuse. Im am pure and truthful. Scarred yet my wounds still fresh. Its is what is wrong with them. It is that no matter how many people I tell, noone gives a fuck. I cant stand out on the street and yell like an insane person, but I truely feel that it is appropriate. Does that make me insane? Wanting to do something that I know wont work? Maybe she was right on those accounts. hehe...But seriously, I dont like to see things the way I do. It kind of just happened.
See, Im torn. There is a large part of me that is completly false. That is the fabricated side of myself that I have to show to people other then my friends and family. Its like a game to me. But im not even playing to win anymore. Im just playing enough that I dont slap the mom at the zoo for talking about some girls that said "like, all this shit and then she was like..." on her phone rather loudly while her year and a half old boy SCREAMED all the way up to her baby-daddy at the white koala exhibit where he proceded to say "Thats why Ray-jay spoil. His momma give into that shit." Then there is the part that I hold back so tremendiously hard seeing stuations like this many times daily. The part that makes me want to go on a rampage, grabbing every idiot by the face and screaming at them just as their children do. "WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Ask them if they realize that they are actively, at that very moment, progressivly aiding the decline of society. But then my little boy, at my side, only a bit older then the red faced irate child glances at the him and points, looking up to me and says "Daddy, bad manners."
Am I just setting him up to live in the same hell that I live in? To see all that goes on around and know what is right but not be able to do anything. Have drug addictions to cope. Be dulely emotionally lacking. Will he be stuck in the same class that I am, and my father before me, with the knowledge and incite that I do, haunting his very existence?
"The world is plastic and fake and I was born a few generations late."
Will my little guy get caught in the same system? It would kill me. That would mean game over. I loose. Or if he fights it will I be responsibe for his demise? I will surly feel it.
But again. He is himself. Just as I.
So then does it matter?
What the fuck.
Do I matter?
I found it out on my own.
Yea it hurts. But do I then have to hurt also? Must I witness it? Or only whitness it for myself? Do I teach in hopes of change? Real change, not the
Obamanized version?
I hope he gets his mothers smarts. Shes good at following the shepard.
But then again...Will that tear him up? Knowing that his mother sided with the very people that made our lives hard form the begining, for her own personal gain, only to cripple us all further?
I stayed out of the system for 20 years. I opereated cleanly and percisely. I covered tracks and made more.
Then I trusted.
I have now have a wrap sheet longer then the rights I have left.
The kicker is...I didnt actually do anything wrong to deserve the record. I was demonized by the system. They took control of a purely personal matter
and destroyed all huminly charactoristics previously accompaning it. They fortified terrible morals on one side and pushed myslef to the brink of
eruption. They mixed a cocktail, lit it, yelled "catch!" and while I was busy covering up, pickpocketed me, replacing my wallet with suntan lotion.
If there is a secret society of some sort...Hurry the fuck up. Your drones are ready. At least let it be known that your there. Then I can stop trying.
If its just humanity...Hurry the fuck up. Most of you should die in that case. The people that can help wont. They havnt and everything is going to shit. Eat out of toilets.
See, the ones that dont have anything wont later. Im not talking about me or the guy you know at the bar that got fired. Im talking about the people in the world that farm or graze. Hunt and trade. The ones that have respect for the earth. Society colapsing wont have any bearing on the people that have stayed pure. Excecpt, I suppose, on those living within society. Chaos.
The more I learn the more I want to drop off the grid. I want to build an eco-home and become completly self sufficent. But even living off the land takes money. Id have to buy a space. Id have to have money for the transition period as all my time would be spent on my residence.
I just re-read that and it sounded mildly crazy. I like the benifits of society. Id like to have solar panels and magnetic wind turbines and power. Power is cool. Fire is cool. Heat too. I like most people too. I just dont want to deal with the burdens that have been placed before me. I take home piratically no money and work all the time. What difference would it make if I just simply worked for me and my boy opposed to the system that causes my hardship? They wouldnt like that one bit. It would be hard to get all the permits. They would be in my busniuess. They would want photos and press releases'.
They should just keep their hands to themselves. Im better off without em'.
Oh yea...Fuck AT&T.
could say getting older is a pain in the mouth for me. And in the head. I fucking hate what is going on around me. These fucking teeth remind me on a daily basis that I am fucked. I fucking hate that I cannot ignore it. I hate that I NEED to learn about it. I dont really know what to do becides sit here and dull myself out, cramming my head full of feble attempts to answer the holy question of 'Why?" Its not what is wrong with me. I am fine. I see things that others refuse. Im am pure and truthful. Scarred yet my wounds still fresh. Its is what is wrong with them. It is that no matter how many people I tell, noone gives a fuck. I cant stand out on the street and yell like an insane person, but I truely feel that it is appropriate. Does that make me insane? Wanting to do something that I know wont work? Maybe she was right on those accounts. hehe...But seriously, I dont like to see things the way I do. It kind of just happened.
See, Im torn. There is a large part of me that is completly false. That is the fabricated side of myself that I have to show to people other then my friends and family. Its like a game to me. But im not even playing to win anymore. Im just playing enough that I dont slap the mom at the zoo for talking about some girls that said "like, all this shit and then she was like..." on her phone rather loudly while her year and a half old boy SCREAMED all the way up to her baby-daddy at the white koala exhibit where he proceded to say "Thats why Ray-jay spoil. His momma give into that shit." Then there is the part that I hold back so tremendiously hard seeing stuations like this many times daily. The part that makes me want to go on a rampage, grabbing every idiot by the face and screaming at them just as their children do. "WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Ask them if they realize that they are actively, at that very moment, progressivly aiding the decline of society. But then my little boy, at my side, only a bit older then the red faced irate child glances at the him and points, looking up to me and says "Daddy, bad manners."
Am I just setting him up to live in the same hell that I live in? To see all that goes on around and know what is right but not be able to do anything. Have drug addictions to cope. Be dulely emotionally lacking. Will he be stuck in the same class that I am, and my father before me, with the knowledge and incite that I do, haunting his very existence?
"The world is plastic and fake and I was born a few generations late."
Will my little guy get caught in the same system? It would kill me. That would mean game over. I loose. Or if he fights it will I be responsibe for his demise? I will surly feel it.
But again. He is himself. Just as I.
So then does it matter?
What the fuck.
Do I matter?
I found it out on my own.
Yea it hurts. But do I then have to hurt also? Must I witness it? Or only whitness it for myself? Do I teach in hopes of change? Real change, not the
Obamanized version?
I hope he gets his mothers smarts. Shes good at following the shepard.
But then again...Will that tear him up? Knowing that his mother sided with the very people that made our lives hard form the begining, for her own personal gain, only to cripple us all further?
I stayed out of the system for 20 years. I opereated cleanly and percisely. I covered tracks and made more.
Then I trusted.
I have now have a wrap sheet longer then the rights I have left.
The kicker is...I didnt actually do anything wrong to deserve the record. I was demonized by the system. They took control of a purely personal matter
and destroyed all huminly charactoristics previously accompaning it. They fortified terrible morals on one side and pushed myslef to the brink of
eruption. They mixed a cocktail, lit it, yelled "catch!" and while I was busy covering up, pickpocketed me, replacing my wallet with suntan lotion.
If there is a secret society of some sort...Hurry the fuck up. Your drones are ready. At least let it be known that your there. Then I can stop trying.
If its just humanity...Hurry the fuck up. Most of you should die in that case. The people that can help wont. They havnt and everything is going to shit. Eat out of toilets.
See, the ones that dont have anything wont later. Im not talking about me or the guy you know at the bar that got fired. Im talking about the people in the world that farm or graze. Hunt and trade. The ones that have respect for the earth. Society colapsing wont have any bearing on the people that have stayed pure. Excecpt, I suppose, on those living within society. Chaos.
The more I learn the more I want to drop off the grid. I want to build an eco-home and become completly self sufficent. But even living off the land takes money. Id have to buy a space. Id have to have money for the transition period as all my time would be spent on my residence.
I just re-read that and it sounded mildly crazy. I like the benifits of society. Id like to have solar panels and magnetic wind turbines and power. Power is cool. Fire is cool. Heat too. I like most people too. I just dont want to deal with the burdens that have been placed before me. I take home piratically no money and work all the time. What difference would it make if I just simply worked for me and my boy opposed to the system that causes my hardship? They wouldnt like that one bit. It would be hard to get all the permits. They would be in my busniuess. They would want photos and press releases'.
They should just keep their hands to themselves. Im better off without em'.
Oh yea...Fuck AT&T.