spliffy
02-06-2008, 10:29 AM
a little irish humour :
> IRISH LOVE STORY
>
>
> An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering
> the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma
> of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs.
>
> He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself
> from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way
> out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the
> railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
>
> With laboured breath, he leaned against the
> door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's
> agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for
> there, spread out upon the kitchen table were
> literally hundreds of his favourite scones.
>
> Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his
> devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left
> this world a happy man?
>
> Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself
> towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture.
> His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the
> edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife
> with a wooden spoon ......
> .........
>
> .........
>
> F**k off' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'
.................................................. ...................
LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
.................................................. ............................
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know th at we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'
.................................................. ....................
ok, so the last 1 is american but its sounds like something thats would happen in ireland.
i hope you enjoy.
spliffy : 8)
> IRISH LOVE STORY
>
>
> An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering
> the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma
> of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs.
>
> He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself
> from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way
> out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the
> railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
>
> With laboured breath, he leaned against the
> door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's
> agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for
> there, spread out upon the kitchen table were
> literally hundreds of his favourite scones.
>
> Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his
> devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left
> this world a happy man?
>
> Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself
> towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture.
> His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the
> edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife
> with a wooden spoon ......
> .........
>
> .........
>
> F**k off' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'
.................................................. ...................
LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
.................................................. ............................
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know th at we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'
.................................................. ....................
ok, so the last 1 is american but its sounds like something thats would happen in ireland.
i hope you enjoy.
spliffy : 8)